One day Betty ups and tells me that she will be going to the United States of Athers.
Before that, let me say a little something about two of the days she pissed me the most. Ours must be a very good friendship that I seem to remember, and want to talk about, only the bad stuff; the good stuff –too commonplace to stand out.
Awash, the heat did me in and that, combined with my intrinsic bad, had me acting nechnacha, especially towards her. Senior year, we were supposed to have a committee meeting and she and some of the other guys were slacking off. And that made me mad. Now, I am not implying that I was an epitome of hard work and dedication to “the cause”. All that I was asking from them was that we maintain a respectable collective level of mediocrity. I mean guys, really, was that too much to ask?
So she tells me that she is going away. Puzzled, I ask her:
“Haven’t you read what I will be posting in our blog three years from now? As far as interests expressed on t shirts go, I should have been the one going to the US. Ok, The Backstreet Boys are Americans but … why do you wanna go anyway?”
“A girl gotta to do what a girl gotta do!”
“Oh, that! Look, please! We can get married if you want and have tons of kids …”
“No you sexist dimwit! I mean I have to spread my wings and fly. For many years…”
“I get it! But wait, I thought you would be taking an airplane?”
With all of my elements I did not want her to leave. But you heard her, stubborn as a mule!
Some of my elements even thought about going down on bended knees and asking her to pleaaaase stay. My nang and namoos would not let me do that however.
So, I did what I could standing up, and then, she went away.
I start reflecting on my life without her. On the one hand, joining a convent sounded like a compelling proposition. I used to want to be a priest until the devil gave me a false hope that I would be going places. And he was right –I think I will be going places. And besides, it would be a much better thing to wait for 2012 from inside there as compared to going on living outside, pep talking yourself “Gitty up! only n years to go ! You would not want to miss it, do you?”
(The end of the world) I would not miss for the world!
On the other hand, I could get in touch with my inner prepropimp, activate it and get me a triple of felines just to dull the memories of her.
And the computer starts playing a song she recommended to me: Bella Luna- Jason Mraz
But knowing me, that would be just, um, what was the word I was looking for? Oh yes, impossible. And I don’t mean to say the impossible that takes longer than the difficult to accomplish. I am talking about the impossible that even time would think twice before taking on.
On the other hand…
How many hands have you got man? Are you a Hydra or something?
Oh, it’s you again. For your information, a Hydra does not have nine hands; it has nine heads
And for your information, you have none. And that’s why, from now on, I am going to do the writing for you.
So on the one dick, the two had a pact that they would marry each other if they both are single by the time they turn forty. Sucker seems to have listened to only the last few words of the statement and he be waiting for her like “only 13 years to go”. Her on the other… fuck it …she is getting all cozy with what’s his name. And has anyone stopped to ask why he is wandering? Is he running from the law? I hope they get his ass and that it does not work between them. And I wish…”
Ok, that’s enough!
Betty is a loving human being. And she is always saying nice things about me even though the things I have done for her are a few at best. Let alone that, along this post, I could not bring myself to talk about her good deeds. About how she loves animals and how they don’t seem to know that she exists and how…
I think I got one.
We had just finished the last exam (geology) before graduation and were feeling atop cloud nine. And what comes to pass to make our ecstasy boundless? – She and E bring noodles to 23 (our dorm)!
We taste it and say “damn women, that’s salty!”
They retort, a bit offended and critical of our knowledge on noodles “that’s how it is supposed to taste like ”
The naïve/sly ones among us go “ riiiiiiight”
The hot-tempered ones go “this is supposed to be the happiest day of our miserable little lives and you bring us this? Get lost and take your shit with you before I call the proctor!”
That was not painting a very good picture of Betty, it is the thought that matters and all that bullshit endetetebeke hono. And that means I cannot use Silent Bob’s line to pay her homage: “there are millions of women in the world but they don’t all bring you noodles-albeit salty-to dorm.”
But I stand by the line that she is special and being too liberal with her usage of salt does not make her any the less special. I keep looking for big things to make me happy and be thankful. I guess that makes me an asshole. But she, she is happy about and thankful for the little things –things like me. I guess that makes her a quasi saint who has understood her real task in life and she stands a very good chance of going to heaven. Trust me, when I say so I say so.
I hope that this, a senseless blabbering, makes you, Betty, happy, in this, 1094th day of your departure, from this, that “beautiful country in the horn of Africa.” (I used the quotation mark because I checked on the map of the world. All I can see is Djibouti, Somalia, Eritrea and Ethiopia. And I am confused which country you are referring to. Looks like you bought rose-tinted glasses. I am not saying that Ethiopia is not beautiful. And I am not saying it is beautiful either. I will stop before the brackets burst.)
And if it does not make you happy… what am I saying? Of course you will be happy, it’s you.
I would have liked very much to have embellished it a bit by adding the hours and minutes that have elapsed since that fateful date. But I am not sure whether you flew your way over there or took a plane. So you see, the time of departure turned out to be tricky.