AND THEN

Did I show the adaptability of O’Shea? Was I the super-sub that Solskjaer used to be? Well, I didn’t do too shabby. But credits are due to this particular kin of the groom who so ably guided us through the perilous waters of wedding ceremonials. Taking over our responsibilities on so many occasions, many observers concede he was the star performer amongst us. I stand bewildered when he would coax people into having another beer, the same people whom just a minute ago have alleged that hulum neger ale, beqa! But what did I expect? The line I approach them with is a simple min yiCHemer? said just for the sake of carrying out one’s duties; no persuasion, sweet-talk. He, on the other hand, has got a knack for socializing and for orchestrating social events.

Held against such high standards as set by him, small surprise when the bete zemed whom we were riding with in the return trip from the mels suggest, albeit in a playful tone, ager bet bihon mizewochun befilT malet neber! I can’t seem to stress this enough: I am just the temp, and a temp who loathes these occasions at that. Moreover, the other best man’s hatred of weddings has by now run from 80% to upward of a 100%.

On the same minibus, we learn that the best man who had called in sick has to be operated on. I would spend the night with him. Pethidine decides to start to wear off at around 3 AM and patient brings the ruckus. 4, 5 and 6 were him flipping me the bird and letting me in on his plans to tear skin off of his arm with his teeth and graft my mouth shut with it. He then modifies his earlier threat: the skin was going to be taken from my own arms. Kudos! Even in his drugged up state, his attention to detail was amazing. We should always keep an eye out for transplant rejection.

When dawn breaks, we try to see if music would somehow lessen the pain; boy was suffering:

I tell you, a thankless job all around :sad:

It’s 20 to 5 on another day. The meeting is winding up. Vacate this place; board a mini bus after not a small amount of wait; once I am on board, there is bound to be another wait at a certain traffic jam (This is why I sometimes miss Bahir Dar. Granted, the bajajs are hard to come by at certain places and times. But once you are inside, it’s on! You hardly stop. There is only one traffic light in the city, after all. The joys of a one-traffic-light-city!) I will be going home; a home that, according to —may God rest her soul—Emama Yewodianesh, is situated in a neighborhood that used to be draped with trees and used to boast a significant number of hyenas that came out after dark. That was then. This neighborhood has now become one where the CSW’s (Commercial Sex Workers) come out after dark. All those houses that we used to refer to as ye’etiye ekelit bet, yegash ekele bet have morphed into rows of bars and pensions (or as so some signs would have it, penisions.) Every now and then, fights break out outside the nightclub next door. I am yet to chance upon one of the good fights (the one time I had the opportunity to observe, it was only drunken posturing and foul language; you would not have believed the mouth on that girl!) but I have heard next morning accounts. Peaceful nights are fast becoming a thing of the past. Talk about the Gordon generation.

Sure, we used to have beggars pass through back in the days. Now, they have set up shop on the sidewalks. There was this bunch near our house who used to pester me whenever I would pass them by. In their efforts to know the name of the person whom they were hustling for some birr, theyhad tried Johnnie and Binnie—real cool names. Those guys were supplanted by the girl with the baby and her friends before I had the chance to figure out what my response would be when they finally discovered what my real name was.

A country of hustlers, do-nothings, beggars, thieves, paper pushers, bureaucrats, lie-abeds, want-outs, screen gazers, coffee/tea cup huggers, sew mesay beshengos, mere passersby in this world in the strictest of senses, and, and, .…, more words and phrases to be added as they come to me, I wonder where we got the nerve to include so bold a verse as hizboch nen lesira besira yeqomin/yenorin? in our national anthem. It is such a farce. And don’t get me started on the myth perpetuated about fitsum Ethiopiawi Chewanet. I need to see other countries and make comparisons  to believe that shit. Perhaps one should get on an airplane to get the whole, better picture.

I guess it’s high time that we started to more strongly call ourselves on our own bullshit. And stop acting as if our ccLTD stood for extraterrestrial.

Anyway, I will be going home. The same street where I bear witness to the chicks changing colors, until my field of vision resembled a TV screen spread out over time:

And as per my new habit, home is going to be where I will spend the weekend. Not too distant are the weekends spent in the office at Bahir Dar, when suddenly in the thick of a Sunday afternoon, I would wish that I had a life. Once I had decided that I needed to get a life, a supermarket would spring into mind which, I was confident, would carry some life. But alas! The best supermarket in Bahir Dar was closed because, guess what, it was Sunday!

Oh life, where art thou?

I will be going home, where the street of fledgling debauchery is flanked by older and more infamous streets, Chechnya being one. So, assaulted as I am by sex-crazed winds blowing from all sides, amidst an experiment of dissipation, how did I manage to become a bastion of sexlessness? This was a question posed by a friend sometime ago. He went on to give the answer himself: you are the control.

Writing long meaningless blog posts is my way of disposing of all that unharnessed sexual energy :smile: And you may have noticed it: I make sure to include at least one self-deprecatory remark in my posts. If you have hated this entry,  and then Bahir Dar  is just the thing for you; it is odious.

In conclusion,

To the convalescing fella –may you laugh and may it not hurt!

To the couple –may you work well as a unit! And please remember that I was the one –in a roundabout way—who suggested this song be included in the soundtrack to your wedding video:

I know I have been away for some time (as if anyone cares.) I promise from here on out, I am going to post more frequently –on ubuntu no less—in order to masakat the damn raey. Peace.

One

Uh uh uh, along with the track

Uh pardon me, uh, as I sign out

I am IMF, important muthafu..

I matter, what I write or do matters

(Repeat last line with ad libs until fade)

29 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sist
    Dec 04, 2012 @ 03:23:30

    Tibebe, I was game but we hit the reply limit. Since I have now read a lot of your writing here, I feel I should appreciate the symbolism that represents, aka ya yarba ken idilih.

    We can start a new thread (right word?) but I hope you won’t become ifirtam! like geterew and drop out half way through after putting ideas in heads

    Reply

    • tibebe
      Dec 04, 2012 @ 08:58:22

      About yarba ken idil, i could not have put it better.

      Let’s start a new kir/gemed then. i promise i won’t be ifirtam so long as you give me plenty of play time :smile:

      I choose the comparison with images.

      Andthree is like… The Thinker with Priapus’ phallus, a clown’s nose and Medusa’s hair.

      Tibebe is like… now, don’t i have some pictures lying somewhere around here?

      Reply

      • sist
        Dec 04, 2012 @ 13:08:17

        You should get a medal for being so chill. I’m starting to have a crush on you.

        Reply

        • tibebe
          Dec 05, 2012 @ 14:55:27

          i had a crush on you first. and chill is the last word anyone would use to describe me.

          been thinking, “what did she mean when she said ‘thread (right word?) did you by any chance have “charade” in mind? if so, then it is a classic case of the donkey bursting out in laughter a year after the joke was told.

          Reply

          • sist
            Dec 05, 2012 @ 15:57:56

            Oh man, I really don’t want to take away the laughter so I’m wishing I meant ‘charade’. But I’m just not sophisticated enough to be using such fancy words all willy nilly. What I meant was plain old thread but wasn’t sure if it was the right word. Something like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversation_threading

            but i’m now frantically working on a plan to include ‘charade’ in my next comment. and maybe even ‘chateau’? like getere’s thing with the Vs, which was brilliant.

            Reply

            • tibebe
              Dec 05, 2012 @ 16:07:33

              googling willy nilly…

              willie nelson must be a compulsive s.o.b. then.

              getere does have his moments.

              btw, why are we discussing geTere on this thread? i get jealous you know :sad:

              melkam lelit, qen, whatever.

              Reply

    • getere
      Dec 04, 2012 @ 10:34:31

      anyone noticed sist’s avatar. i like it. wegebuan yiza yemitikeraker bale arat ej berero.

      Reply

      • sist
        Dec 04, 2012 @ 13:11:35

        Now why couldn’t you see a cat walking supermodel in that avatar? Abesha one with the crisscrossed walking legs. But I think your description is right. And my avatar and your avatar are yelling at each other.

        Reply

  2. getere
    Dec 03, 2012 @ 11:15:51

    “Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage – no mere veneer of vanity – is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one-day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.”

    Reply

  3. sist
    Nov 16, 2012 @ 04:38:41

    I think this blog is the real life equivalent of a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Thank god for the new color scheme and the treasure trove of the archives it has exposed. thankfully still only in 2007, days of reading material ahead. Well done to you lot. But where is Betty? I don’t see her in the newer posts. But maybe the subject was covered in 2008. Looking forward to 2008.

    About the newer posts, so this wedding thing… it took a few reads but I think I’m finally catching on. So was it the same wedding you were initially the protocol and later promoted to best man? Multiple weddings? Lazy-ass attempts at self-deprecation excepted (you can do better), it was an absolute joy to read. It made me want to tear my (any body part) 90% of the time, which I believe is a testament to how well you captured the drudge. If there are continuing parts to it, may I recommend including a season’s opener type of summary at the beginning explaining who’s who, who begat who and who failed at what?

    Reply

    • tibebe
      Nov 16, 2012 @ 14:18:39

      you know, i’ve been going through our posts from 07 and 08 to see if they would live up to your expectations; fingers crossed, breath held :neutral: heartbreaking work of staggering genius has leaped about a hundred spots on my to-read-list. thank you for introducing it.

      our very own color blind getere was behind the new color scheme :smile:

      i wish i knew where betty went :sad:

      there was only one wedding. no continuing parts. but i take your comment about summaries. sometimes our (especially my) writings could assume a greater degree of disjointedness than was originally intended. i hope advancing age will fix the problem.

      the lazy-ass attempts, do you mean to suggest that i could have insulted myself better? that i had failed even at that?

      it is greatly humbling, knowing that someone has read and enjoyed our writings. bless you!

      Reply

      • sist
        Nov 17, 2012 @ 04:12:50

        I think I am a fan of the disjointedness, didn’t mean to critic them. I hope they stay.

        Seems pretty adorable to claim advancing age would fix any problem.

        About the book, I have no idea about what could be contained in it past the title. my bad.

        I did mean to suggest, with the hope of convincing, that you could insult yourself better. Anything worth doing is worth doing well and other theories. I felt I spotted a lot of missed opportunities to put in really good digs at yourself. Maybe next time…

        bless your heart for bestowing much needed blessings! Not to belabor the point but you seem very talented at this thinking and writing thing so it’s big of you to be sharing it. here, take another blessing.

        You need to find Betty, in my humble opinion

        Reply

        • tibebe
          Nov 19, 2012 @ 11:19:51

          allow me to ever so gently cast a blessing right back atcha!

          nonsense about the belaboring! praise on! :grin: thank you for reading us!

          you’ve me convinced; will work on it.

          this is what i know about the book thus far: it is a memoir and has got “Rules and Suggestions for Enjoyment of This Book”

          agreed, i need to find betty; and getere too. sometimes i feel like a single parent.

          Reply

    • getere
      Nov 24, 2012 @ 23:17:00

      blogging is a bit like standing naked … in front of others and your future self. please send us all embarassing posts and comments for deletion!

      Reply

      • tibebe
        Nov 26, 2012 @ 15:09:08

        trust him, we will delete them :smile:

        Reply

      • sist
        Nov 27, 2012 @ 14:24:50

        Not saying this with any measure of confidence but I can only assume that you are flattering your naked self when you compare it to your blog.

        betam yikirta but haven’t seen any embarrassing posts or comments to recommend for deletion. Maybe this comment I am currently writing?

        Reply

        • tibebe
          Nov 28, 2012 @ 13:39:58

          if you are a guy, disturbing.

          if you are a girl, i’ll let you be the judge. but how?

          why am i answering on getere’s behalf?

          disturbing! perhaps this is the comment worthy of deletion.

          Reply

          • sist
            Nov 30, 2012 @ 03:10:16

            Even if I were a guy, min kefah?

            But I’m a girl.

            Thanks for letting me be a judge. We will find a way. I have a couple of ideas, I am not just a pretty name, you know?

            You are answering on getere’s behalf because… honestly, I don’t know why.

            I liked your comment. Please yezaren marew

            Reply

            • tibebe
              Nov 30, 2012 @ 14:57:42

              You are not a guy so let’s not get into my reasons.

              I don’t know about the pretty name but from what little I have read of you, I have to concur that you are a pretty mind. Ready to entertain your ideas.

              Leanchi sil mirewalehu :smile:

              Reply

              • sist
                Dec 01, 2012 @ 16:19:43

                Right. So what’s wrong with my name? Did you see the twisting and turning s, the modern i, the sexy s again in case you didn’t get enough of it the first time and the hunk of a t standing guard in case one gets too familiar with sis? Do reconsider.

                I *had* good ideas until a compliment sent them flying out of my brain.The mediocre idea left there now is that the way to compare the naked getere with the word-ful blog is to convert one into the other and judge accordingly. So one could describe naked getere in words and see if its details measure up to the details in the blog. Or draw a picture of what this blog would look like if it were naked (what are it’s inhibitions, insecurities, features of pride etc) and compare it to the former’s picture. Theoretically there would be a set of criteria for comparison such as candor, (ok that’s the only criteria I have so far).

                Clearly I’m an azamid enthusiast.

                Reply

  4. getere
    Nov 05, 2012 @ 18:45:42

    oh haven’t you heard? those colors have now been taken over by the famous lgbt rainbow flag!

    egzer yimarew…

    aster kebede’s song is awesome! probably roha band too B-)

    keep blaggin

    Reply

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