will it please you,

the title has got nothing to do with anything, I just like the way the Duke in ” my las Duchess” presents himself as a polite one, but the words he uses after the ” will it please you” are sit, rise, look,….., so he orders his guest.

It has been a long while,,,, I can say I am a bit different now.  How different? well it goes like this…

 In one of the small cities in Ohio, I saw the cutest guy die in an emergency room, the effect,,, well I got up at night with night mares for three straight days… and I just forgot about him. I guess what my brother said was right… “you will have some disturbed nights, and that is it”…. I forgot how it felt…. it is scary, how can I just forget… all I remeber is how light headed I felt. But I still remeber his sisters cry. All I am left with is, to say ” May God rest his soul”.

I have always dreamed of being a herptologist, would I be good at it? I have always fantasized what it would be like to handle snakes, watching Jeff all those years, I want to feel the thril he feels everytime he discovers a rattle snake or a pythone, a cobra, pit viper……. and he always says…” oh, how soft its skin is”,,,, I got to experience it. Was it exciting,, well … what do you think?,,,, yeah it felt great. It wasnot like he puts it …” I am acting with a childish exuberance, my blood filled with excitment and fear at the same time”,,, because the one I touched is a rat snake, which is a python type with no venom. None the less, it was a snake,,,, and its skin, well it was soft and it felt strange to touch….. Here I shouldnot forget to thank JACK HANNA… never met you, I hope I will, but thank you for letting us expereince this….

I have read a lot of litratures,,, some of them,” blue jeans “( the guy puts it as a symbol for expression of class difference),  ” A Rose For Emily”, a poor lady who has been confined and controlled by her father, that she killed her lover and spent half of her life lying next to his corpse, imagine her hunger for companionship.  A poem, ” My Last Duchess”, about a count who presents his late wife as a superficial lady who defied his ways, but in a way reveals his controlling personality and his love for power… a drama by Tennesse Williams ” A street car named desire”, has a movie starring Marlon Brando..( he sure looks sexy as a young man), it is a black and white movie, but raises issues that are still relevant in our time,,, loss of communication, lies, deception,, rape and other stuffs.. This litratures in a way made me change, to see things in a different perspective, I am just blabbing here, I guess I never changed.

One thing  I hate is being called some bad names, it irritates me….  Now since I started driving , I have been called ” Dumb Ass” twice, one time, I didnot realize it was a one lane road, so I started driving next to one car, the guy said, ” Dumb ass”, I said back that to him, not loud enough,,, so I guess It is like I called my self that……., and the other was today, but it wasnot my fault, someone stopped infront of me, so I passed them and got in front of them, but another lady was about to make a turn and I kind of blocked her way, but others after me are blocking her way too, and she said ” Dumb Ass” I just laughed…. and surprized my self…… I guess it sounded funny at that time….

One thing I realized after coming here is, I hate it when everyone notices every little thing I do,,, it sucks. What you do of the innocence of your heart, is considered something else…. One thing I know is I know my self… what others think matters, but should not change the real me.



5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. tibebe
    Aug 13, 2007 @ 13:33:44

    tilaye: i see the courses and thesis are really working you.

    i kind of agree with you : i believe that we will never get to know ourselves fully . we always keep on surprising ourselves with our abilitiies for good and evil. from knowing yourself to improving yourslef to being your improved self to keep on being your improved self ….life is hard !

    betty, thank you for thanking me. and do not worry about offending tilaye: some eat and others are eaten.


  2. betty
    Aug 12, 2007 @ 15:58:41

    Wow tilish,
    it is amazing to see something like this, it is exciting and sad at the same time. But i would not have believed it if I hadnot seen it, I mean a buffalo throwing a lion up in the air,,,, that is unheared of. I donot know if the cab will survive, the lions had it chocked for a while and the croc probably did some damage. I cannot say for sure though. But he probably dies later…. I guess that is the way life is, especailly in the wild…. some continue to live on with others stopping. I guess it is the same in our world too….. I liked what one person said when commenting on ” a street car named desire”, ….. Blanch goes to a mental institution and Stanley and Stella continue to live on with lies and fears…….

    The blue jeans, well the guy says first they were worn by out door laborers, then motorcycle gangs start to wear them, to symbolize their egalitarian sentimental values. Then designer jeans came to make sure that there is calss distinction… this is more or less what he says……

    Hey one more thing, I really missed ” Itiye Teshomech’s kitfo”, thanks hon for letting me enjoy it agian. Sorry tilish but I had to say I really enjoyed it……..



  3. tibebe
    Aug 10, 2007 @ 18:39:22

    finally: she decides to write!

    whether you meant it to be so or not , it sure is pleasing to read from you.

    sorry about the cute guy. but they die you know ,cute ones as well as ugly ones . seriously, i think it is key to stay unattached.

    let alone a snake , i hate handling even chickens : i hate the warmth of their underbellies. but if that is what floats your boat, touch on!

    can you please elaborate on the blue jeans?

    being called names hurts: especially those really bad ones. but at the end of the day you know what they say ” ayiletefibish ”

    knowing oneself is a good thing . but not as good as being that self under every kind of situation.

    two things i struggle with on a daily basis:

    1.extreme self – consiousness even when there is no one to notice my talk and action.

    2.staying true to myself


  4. getere
    Aug 10, 2007 @ 16:23:24

    the embed thing didn’t work. go here


  5. getere
    Aug 10, 2007 @ 16:22:39

    selam new?
    sorry about your experience. the human mind can take anything you know. like what happened to me this year. i have never worked so hard in my life and i never thought i could. but look it is happening…..

    touched a snake?? happily i don’t envy you 🙂

    i feel very sorry for the cab every time i remember it. it joined its group at last but will it survive? even so he will be a target next time b/c he’s too weak. oooof.


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