It snowed, and now it is gone, what a relief. Last saturday was scary but as always God was with me. I almost made a 90 degree turn while driving to work and got on the opposite lane, lucky for me there was only one car behind  me and the guy was realy nice.

2007 has been complicated so far. Boy do I need a poem for what I am about to write. I have  never had this feeling before, if Wordsworth was here may be he could describe it for me through those great peoms of his…………… Desire……. where does it come from…….. the desire to be loved, to love, to care. As I have read, it could lead to failure, shame and mental asylum just like Blanch…. (from The street car named Desire). I believe my case is different….. it is not sexual desire like hers…. but it is the desire to be with someone beyond the physical thing. Joseph said to me once, if there is chemistry between two people nothing matters…… nothing? yeah, looks, money.. bla, bla. One thing I am always afraid of is, what happens after the reaction. I wish for me it will burn for eternity.

But these past three weeks have shown me life isnot always fair. Imagine your whole life you wish for something, it happens, but it is so wrong for you to have it. It is something that goes against your principles, morale….. u just want to sit and be sad. Then I think there has got to be a reason why you got it all only not to have it. A way to let me know when and how  there is chemistry with out being hurt. Then I think if life was fair , we would completly forget GOD. So now I will be able to figure out the good desire and the appropriate one. What about the one that is wrong for me…. I have to just walk away. How I let it got too far I will never know, I mean what do  you do, when you are cared for, understood, when all  what you are saying is heared with a look that tells you that you are loved in a continent where you felt lonely for so long. So donot blame me. It felt so great but it is so wrong. It feels so right, but it is terribly wrong. It is peaceful but it is scary. What am I going to do with you is the question I am left with. I know, I know papy I am nuts , nuttier than a fruit cake… What are you saying betty shut your pie hole.. ok ok enough of this….my hand is typing and i am not making sense anymore, hey whatever, you are my friends and you love me the way I am.

 Ok so I love DIEGO…. I was about to fall asleep one night and my 4 yr old nephew ” EMANUEL” came and said that he was going to read me a bed time story and then after he got finished he gave me a kiss and said, here let Diego stay with you tonight. So that night I met Diego. He is a creature adventurer but a Cartoon. I watched one of his shows and now I am in love with him



3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. tibebe
    Dec 25, 2007 @ 17:18:01

    I think life would not have been worth living if it was not for the constant search of “that thing”. It is natural to look for it in other people when all the while it was in oneself. So we all should get back to ourselves.

    That was the ideal case.

    Still, the “real” world would not have made sense if we did not believe that there is something to transcend every physical and mental aspect of life. I believe that it can be found and it is better to search for it , get disappointed and look for it again than be a non-believer. In a world full of the meaningful turned meaningless , this I think is the closest we can get to eternity.

    And what if it is wrong? Wrongs are there to be done ( within reason). You can not ruin a good thing for the sake of fears that may not materilaize .And even if they do materialize , you are spared that “what if they did not materialize ?” feeling : it is as much of a bitch as being wrong.

    Jumping off the edge is good for your health; to hell with fear!

    Lenegeru letekemach semay kirbu new.

    Okay , let us try another thing. Here is a way of solving it mathematically. Give every right 4 points and the wrong 2 points – it do not take much for things to be wrong afterall. Add it up and you will clearly see that so much right can never be wrong .

    But Diego? Chica please! What about Jeff?

    How is Christmas?


  2. betty
    Dec 24, 2007 @ 19:46:05

    like my saying no is going to stop you. play judge my dear


  3. getere
    Dec 23, 2007 @ 23:18:24

    ahem. i guess this post and the poem is kinda personal. so do you want me to play judge or what? present your cases to the court please.


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