thoughts crept upon me…

I came home yesterday and no one was there, Tsega  my BFF called and we talked for about 20 or so minutes…I went and      checked my e-mails…nothing exciting and didnot get the e-mail I was hoping to get…; went to the basement  and saw NCIS… which always entertained me.. bla bla bla….Miti called and asked what I was doing?.. My answer “nothing.. trying to read Ludlem’s The matarese countdown”…, he thought I was jocking but when he realized I was actually telling the truth..” good girl.. that is the  Betty I know…” That made me laugh and it also made me want to cry.. then my bro came in and said ” this is the first time I saw you in the house before midnight”.. he was joking ofcourse, I spend the whole day with him and at night i try to go somewhere, most of the time to Etiye Mulushewa’s house and just sit or read or watch NCIS.. then get up and go home… that has been pretty much what I have been doing…. but when my brother mentioned that I am  not home for most nights… I realized that it was my way of hiding having no fun… I go to  the other home to feel like I am out of the house… but what difference does it make, it is just a different house….

There are times I feel so empty, my stomach turns upside down; I feel like just going , driving with no destination… just go…. these feelings creep into my thoughts when I am sitting,  or when  i get up in the middle of the night for no reason and that is what I felt when I woke up thinking I heard my alarm go off, but it didnot since It was set for 5.15am… it was only 1.40 am… I sat down and sailed in the sea of my thoughts…and thought of Aj’s verse

….. Empty spaces fill me up with holes

…..distant faces with no place left to go

…..without you within me I cannot find no rest

…..where I am going is anybody’s guess…

I wished I was free to just go out and drive back home… then I realized IGZIABHER is my road back home… then I slowley drifted back to sleep and when Iwoke up it was already 5.40 am…I came to work and there it was a basket full of yellow flowers ( actually they looked like Adey Abebawoch)…. it took me back home and I thanked GOD for that….. I loved the yellow flowers that only show up once a year, they gave me hope and they always reminded me of how bright every person’s life would be if we are always smiling even when things get tuff… It is God’s promise to us that even if it looks as if happiness left us… there should always be hope that bright days are not that far….

The emptiness never left me because I am away from those who filled it… but I always smiled knowing that  my smile brightnes up other people…. what right do I have to make other people’s days gloomy…..

Totaly unrelated to the moral of the story….So Seni, Betty, Aki and I decided to watch Medea and Seni says she has to attend to natures call… I decided to do the same because I know I am going to be laughing silly when watching the movie and I might in the end wet my… you know… so sunny goes into this restroom without reading anything but she tells me to check if it is the ladys room from inside…( let me give you the architacture of the rest room, it is divided into two sections left and right… and usually most rest rooms here are lady’s on one side and men on the other side)… so I looked at what it says on her side and it said “Men”… so I yell and tell her to come out and follow me to the other one….. guess what… I stepped into the other one and there is this dude doing his thing… Iwas so shocked, I run out screaming … he was so mad at me… he followed me and screamed…. so apparently there was no lady’s room on that side of the building: it was on the other side of the building. In my defence “.. Architecturochu tewkaktobachew.. ye wond ena yest shintibet gon le gon lemin alserum like it is the norm in most rest rooms in the US”… but the look on the guys face was hilarious now that I think about it..”sorry dude if you read this, I swear I didnot see a thing”…..so that topped all of my embarrasing moments……

So today, I am going to a birthday of a one year old, I am excited… I need those of my own… although I would love it if Nahom was mine..

ciao

97.There might still be some hope for me. Then again, there may not be.

Shit I don’t want to be here…and now!

It has happened in my life- on many an occasion these past I don’t know how many units of time- that I am wondering whether I am in “that place” and am happy. And this voice inside, I don’t know whose, answers me quite often – “you deserve to be happy and this is not the way to go.”

So then, which one  is the way to go?

Started this week tired at the end of hectic four days, of which two were spent on the road between A and B. I had classes from Monday to Wednesday. The first two classes were awful; I mean I was awful. And that made me feel awful. And all the while I am thinking I should make up for the sleep I lost in the preparation for the journey and try and recover from the buslag. And the third class turns out to be kinda good, unexpectedly.  And hope comes creeping in.

And then it was gone. Darn!

Lord, forgive me for being this fool who has utterly failed to appreciate your infinite blessing…

but I don’t want to be here.

Then where?

One thing I have very much enjoyed recently is reading a book while traveling. I read the tale of two cities- yes I know, after the entire world had read it- and liked it very much. And I never thought Dickens could be funny. I did not develop that supposition after reading many of his works (I had only read great expectations and blest if I fully remember what it was about!) It’s just that, for unknown reasons, the name Dickens I associated with serious themes and seriousness; and for his face I always painted Abraham Lincoln’s. The tale of two cities is a serious sad story but it also has its funny moments.

Finally crossed Abay Bereha-after the entire world had crossed it- and it was beautiful, with the clouds down below, and scary-you know I am not that crazy about heights. Enjibara and Yechereka were also nice.

Lord, I guess what I am trying to say is,…, is what I am trying to say “I want to jump ship, just take off, say fuck it to everything, and spend my life traveling , seeing new sights and reading new books, listening to music, and maybe, just maybe, find that elusive thing called happiness or perhaps, let it find me. And,and, truth too 😀 ” ?

This post was not about a girl or girls.

Well, what do you know!?

Still, let it be known that I have known all the people I need to know minus one.

One

And oh by the way, I drank tej yesterday 🙂

96. My neighbor got gats

😯

A couple moved in next room.  The guy is a soldier. Mihidaren atebebut weys alatebebutim?  I think I better leave that for tarik and tiwild to answer.

I fear I may be inconveniencing them being a wall away with my eager ears. What was the word for a voyeur, but with ears instead of eyes?  A voyear?

It started raining last night and the guy was like “cover me I am going in!”  Turns out the rain was not really serious about raining and a rain check –but in the opposite sense –was called accompanied by “ain’t that a bitch!?”

I would have liked it better if a single female had moved in. But you know; you don’t always get what you want. Or is it, be careful what you wish for?  I mean, I was dying for some action but, I guess I forgot to specify that I wanted to be involved in the action.

Whoever moved or had moved in, I am not planning on being too close with them. In fact, I am working on ways of putting them off.  Given the fact that religion is big here, as evidenced in part by the many persons listening to mezmur from their mobiles, be it near the library or on the road – I am not insinuating that the people here are intolerant, but I hope that at least my neighbors get a bit irked by my actions – playing Amr Diab one morning, protestant mezmurs on the second and having enjera bekibe (chigir/sinfina bekibe yasbelal 🙂 ) for dinner, and mind you it is yetsom ken, I think, could work.

Ironically, it was me who had twice greeted the wife and got no response. Okay I nodded my head the first time and the second time it was a very low decibel “dehina adersh?” which she might even not have heard.

Truth be told, I am not sure if my presence would bother them in the slightest in their bid to fulfill their, and everyone else’s, mission in life:  to screw without giving a damn who is watching or listening.

And someone goes “this boy’s problem has reached critical levels! He needs an outlet, and quick before he succeeds in sexing-down every facet of his and everybody else’s life.”

I politely agree with that fellow and then kick his ass just for good measure. I have not been in a fight since seventh grade – and it was with a boy whom all the feasibility indicators had shown to be beatable and I am an aspiring lover not a fighter– but I could learn, right?

At any rate, if the event is that I am cramping my neighbors’ style, they need not worry; at least not for the coming  _ days because I am going home; and no Babylon can stop me now!

May your new year be just like your old one!

I mean, if this year did not get its ass out of the way, we probably would not have had the chance to see the new year, now would we ?

Hold up; it is still 2001 !?

And, I wanted “coming home” but this is just as good.