97.There might still be some hope for me. Then again, there may not be.

Shit I don’t want to be here…and now!

It has happened in my life- on many an occasion these past I don’t know how many units of time- that I am wondering whether I am in “that place” and am happy. And this voice inside, I don’t know whose, answers me quite often – “you deserve to be happy and this is not the way to go.”

So then, which one  is the way to go?

Started this week tired at the end of hectic four days, of which two were spent on the road between A and B. I had classes from Monday to Wednesday. The first two classes were awful; I mean I was awful. And that made me feel awful. And all the while I am thinking I should make up for the sleep I lost in the preparation for the journey and try and recover from the buslag. And the third class turns out to be kinda good, unexpectedly.  And hope comes creeping in.

And then it was gone. Darn!

Lord, forgive me for being this fool who has utterly failed to appreciate your infinite blessing…

but I don’t want to be here.

Then where?

One thing I have very much enjoyed recently is reading a book while traveling. I read the tale of two cities- yes I know, after the entire world had read it- and liked it very much. And I never thought Dickens could be funny. I did not develop that supposition after reading many of his works (I had only read great expectations and blest if I fully remember what it was about!) It’s just that, for unknown reasons, the name Dickens I associated with serious themes and seriousness; and for his face I always painted Abraham Lincoln’s. The tale of two cities is a serious sad story but it also has its funny moments.

Finally crossed Abay Bereha-after the entire world had crossed it- and it was beautiful, with the clouds down below, and scary-you know I am not that crazy about heights. Enjibara and Yechereka were also nice.

Lord, I guess what I am trying to say is,…, is what I am trying to say “I want to jump ship, just take off, say fuck it to everything, and spend my life traveling , seeing new sights and reading new books, listening to music, and maybe, just maybe, find that elusive thing called happiness or perhaps, let it find me. And,and, truth too 😀 ” ?

This post was not about a girl or girls.

Well, what do you know!?

Still, let it be known that I have known all the people I need to know minus one.


And oh by the way, I drank tej yesterday 🙂


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. betty
    Sep 21, 2009 @ 19:50:19

    yastemari mechreshaw… hmmm what does Menge think about this? well while we are on the subject of Astemari.. has T and Ade done some Tej kimkema as well??.. I am just saying….
    the get a room part is lol…


  2. betty
    Sep 21, 2009 @ 19:47:57

    I have been thinking about your brain and what to ask it… but I am confused and scared….


  3. betty
    Sep 19, 2009 @ 14:43:52

    it is is me betty, not andthree… I seem to forget it everytime…


  4. andthree
    Sep 19, 2009 @ 14:32:05

    Happiness… i promise it will find you… because it knows you are the one person that will not let it go….

    “Tale of two Cities” I read that book when I was in 10th grade for a school project… I rememberd when my english teacher asked the question as to why Dickens wrote that book… everyone just looked at her confused… and I answered..” because he came from that poverty himself, he wanted to bring that out in a beautiful written script”…she was so happy with me that she told the whole class to clap for me… that is when I realized that I shoudl definately look more deeper into things…. which I never put to practice except may be that morning only….

    Yihe Tej bezasa… not good for your brains my dear… and I love your brain…


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