blogito ergo sum. i blog therefore i am.
He keeps on typing, she tried to see what that beautiful mind of his has come up with for her. For the first time she asked for help with an essay. she used to be the one helping others on their essay assignments. she knows he is good, really, really good at any type of writing but she also knows in her heart that she could come up with anything to write about for her essay, but she wanted to see him; she has missed him so much; she has missed hearing him laugh; she has missed looking into his eyes; the eyes he once told her “scare’ people away. she never really understood why he said that but also never told him that they are not scary and she would spend a life time staring at them if he lets her. she has missed his sense of humor. She breathes in deep while stealing a glance at him hoping that he doesnot sense what is going on in her mind.
Later that day and she finds herself sitting in a park, pulls her hair back and looked up to stare at the birds flying freely, remembered their conversation about ” Messenger Birds. ” Sometimes her mind feels like a computer server that has too many users and it mixes up information since different thoughts come by and go in a speed of light. She breathes deep in and out; she finds herself gasping for air; self- induced respiratory alkalosis; it is just not fair. Then she smiles, she feels her face get wet from the tear drops that originate from eyes, she smiled remembering his words that morning “our body produces tear to lubricate our eyes,” then she looks up into the sky this time to ask GOD for help. He showed her another side of himself this year, his playful side, his crazy side and the caring side which is deep and makes him who and what he is now, a side she never thought she would see but a side that makes her love him more and more. She has never met anyone who tries to learn something everyday from what he does each day. He is one of his own kind and she wishes to be his.
She loves him, yes she does. is she in love? No she will never let that happen again; will she? Her fight and flight response would have kicked in, that will lead her SA node initiating impulse faster than the inherent rate, she would be in Sinus Tach, she can feel her heart beating faster, she doesnot remember drinking coffee, all she had was a Ginger ale, she reminds her self to calm down, slowly the ” lub-dub” decreases untill she cannot feel it any more. Am I good enough? This is what is holding her back,” AUDI hmmmmm…” she says reminding herself to breathe slow and steady,then she starts playing ” Heart Attack” in her head over and over again staring into the sky.