A letter written in a mid fall night

I am having a William Wordsworth moment here; thus the title Nahomiye. This I am writing because I got to hear your voice today and you said you missed me, I miss you more and I love you more my sweet. The word ” I love you” has so many different meanings to me.  You are so innocent and you became the bright spot in all the darkness in my life lately. I was the walking dead three years ago but your love saved me. your beautiful little smile, hug and showering me with the love you have is what I think about when I feel lost. It felt wonderful hearing you say ” I love you ” today. You showed me love when no one else would, you are a kid and I find the truth your eyes my sweet Nahom.

You are my boo boo and my life forever and for always; only you my beautiful nephew, who filled an empty space. You are a beautiful and breath taking reflection of God’s love for me. I am blessed to be your aunt and I cannot wait to see you grow up to be an amazing physician who is a soccer/basketball player as well plus I want that mansion you promised me wink wink…

I have always wanted to let you know that I love you and I mean it and I want the world to know what an amazing nephew you are, you were there when I needed a smiling face to tell me all is good with the world and you still find a way to restore my faith in humanity. I love you and here it is to stay forever in the web for you to find it someday; sorry your aunt is cheap and could not write your name on the moon but I hope the web would do for now and know that you mean so much to me no matter where life takes us

I love you Nahom to the moon and back and some more

Am I strong or impervious or neither

The human brain is so malleable as Sheldon would say, why do we believe what people tell us instead of relying on our observation. The universe is so wide and so many things to observe: it says to the brain; here observe and be satiated. Yet  is it too much for a single brain? or does the idea of team work apply to brains of the world?  I have to ask these because a certain family member whom I love so much questioned my character and believed what others have said about me. My brain is wired in one way, while others’ is not the same. It has been long 8 years, my 20’s were wasted, hitting 30 is not fun at all because of the regrets I have over how my life went.

But seriously the one thing I know about me is my character, I don’t just hate people, I want people to be happy at whatever it costs me. I don’t just believe what people say because I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt but I thought my only family here would forward the same curtsey to me. My surprise and heart break when I found that is not the case

My lacrimal glands are upset with me for the past 24 hours, then prayer was my reason for getting out of bed and I prayed. But it made me look at my self, I am changed, the little girl in me is still there but I am changed, I have to fight for me, be true to my self and put my self first for the first time in years.

I cannot change people. I cannot force people to think the way I think, I donot twist what people say, I always choose to see the best in them; they can see what ever they want to see since brains are wired to work differently but I think it is time to refuse to be a victim. I am not a bad person and what I say or speak doesn’t come from a secret agenda to hurt others.

But am I an impervious substance, not affected by the outside world; no is the answer to that. But I would like to be from now on. Am I strong, no to that either. I am weak because I believe in giving love a chance and people the benefit of the doubt. But I cannot force people to love me and to understand how I am wired, the friends around me get me. why cannot the one family member I love the most understand and get me? I guess it is up to him to figure that out, I understand the brain is malleable but it requires some strong evidence that should be based on observation and day to day action.

For now I have to work on making me an impervious substance, wish me luck.

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