Am I strong or impervious or neither

The human brain is so malleable as Sheldon would say, why do we believe what people tell us instead of relying on our observation. The universe is so wide and so many things to observe: it says to the brain; here observe and be satiated. Yet  is it too much for a single brain? or does the idea of team work apply to brains of the world?  I have to ask these because a certain family member whom I love so much questioned my character and believed what others have said about me. My brain is wired in one way, while others’ is not the same. It has been long 8 years, my 20’s were wasted, hitting 30 is not fun at all because of the regrets I have over how my life went.

But seriously the one thing I know about me is my character, I don’t just hate people, I want people to be happy at whatever it costs me. I don’t just believe what people say because I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt but I thought my only family here would forward the same curtsey to me. My surprise and heart break when I found that is not the case

My lacrimal glands are upset with me for the past 24 hours, then prayer was my reason for getting out of bed and I prayed. But it made me look at my self, I am changed, the little girl in me is still there but I am changed, I have to fight for me, be true to my self and put my self first for the first time in years.

I cannot change people. I cannot force people to think the way I think, I donot twist what people say, I always choose to see the best in them; they can see what ever they want to see since brains are wired to work differently but I think it is time to refuse to be a victim. I am not a bad person and what I say or speak doesn’t come from a secret agenda to hurt others.

But am I an impervious substance, not affected by the outside world; no is the answer to that. But I would like to be from now on. Am I strong, no to that either. I am weak because I believe in giving love a chance and people the benefit of the doubt. But I cannot force people to love me and to understand how I am wired, the friends around me get me. why cannot the one family member I love the most understand and get me? I guess it is up to him to figure that out, I understand the brain is malleable but it requires some strong evidence that should be based on observation and day to day action.

For now I have to work on making me an impervious substance, wish me luck.


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