I recently got introduced to a new theory on why (East) Africans are very good runners. መቼም ጆሮ ለባለቤቱ ባዳ ነው እስካሁን ሳልሰማ:: Three different people from three different countries corroborated the theory. Turns out that Africans grow up being chased by lions and other felines that, competition with their fellow humans is beneath them. Imagine Haile in the morning, going out of his home –a hut in the savannah, late for school, ደብተሩን በአንድ እጁ ይዞ, prodding a sleeping hangover lion with a very long stick on the other hand,: “ዌል እንግዴ አያ አንበሶ ትምህርት የረፈደብኝ ሁኔታ ነው ያለው:: how about it, huh?”
Some songs now make much more sense:
But why do we never hear news of runners from X, a country in southern Africa where my former roommate hails from, winning races? Simple. Even though X gots lions galore, its flatness is a major drawback. My peoples, on the other hand, run from lions uphill.
More crackpot science
The food shortage in Africa may be a blessing in disguise. Caloric restriction (all other things being equal) has long been linked with retarding the aging process. In the eyes of the rest of the world, what are we Africans but the embodiment of caloric restriction? “It’s like, where do they get the energy to wage all those wars from? በባዶ ሆድ እየተዋጉ….” Is it any wonder then that we look like we are in our twenties whereas in reality, forty is getting too close for comfort?
Read Americanah. Loved it. She sure took a couple of jabs at Etyopians: our claims of beautiful ladies and not-African-like-coloration. My lame response to that: እሰይ! እናንተ ሀገር ኩዋስ ልንጫወት መጥተን ዳቦ አልወረወራችሁብንም?! I don’t know if that story is true or not. Apparently the following is:
አዲስ አድማስ ጥቅምት ፩፭, ፳፻፯
All jokes aside, ምን ይሻለናል?!
I was kind of rooting for Ceiling’s wife. የትም ዞሮ መቶ የሰው ባል መንጠቅ ደግ ሥራ ነው?
With all due respect, እማማ ምን ነክቶዋቸው ነው?
ትዝታዬ. መርስኤሐዘን ወልደቂርቆስ
Some protein-DNA intercourse, with accompanying music:
Next post is going to be a few observations from the past three months.
Excerpt “….I hate snow. Fuck Home Alone. I repeat. Fuck Home Alone the movie, parts I and II, hashtag and all. Deceiving impressionable third world children, romanticizing snow. Is the polar ice cap is melting? Goood! At least the polar bears are going to die warm, for once in their lives. Oxymoron be damned…”
After I write that post, God knows I have got nothing.