wears his heart on a screen

Lore has it that, on an evening of a certain gala, Florentino Perez made an overture for Zidane by scribbling “Do you want to play for Madrid?” on a napkin and passing it to Zidane. And anything you pass to Zidane, you done know he gon take care of it -he said “Yes.”

I probably had this in mind when…

Let us back up for a minute

A rainy night, I am heading home in, you guessed it, a bajaj with two girls. It is the girls’ stop and an altercation breaks out because of the you know what -we fight for our collective rights of 5O cents not being usurped of us. “Dude, you should have warned us about the pricing before we boarded your three-legged-mythical-creature-looking-thingie!”

Next day, same time, no rain, I am on the same bajaj with one of the girls. She remembers me and remarks on the coincidence.  We spend a few seconds discussing the importance of a gentlemen’s agreement in the absence of a written code of conduct for the keepers of said mythical creatures.

We have now run of our singular topic of discussion.

I would have loved to instigate additional conversation; and instigate I did: “What guarantee do we have of that dude not overcharging us just like his brother from yesterday?”

Then silence.

Her stop is approaching. Since one cannot be sure what tomorrow holds for night travelers, one does what thinks is the right thing to do under the situations. One writes “R u  single?” on his mobile and shows it to the girl; she answers: “I don’t understand.” One checks the writing again like “woman, what’s  there to not understand?!” and asks her to do the same -same answer. Having had no plan B, one is resigned to watching her get off (his hopes of getting off crushed) without so much as a goodnight.

Now, naturally one is ashamed of the fiasco and this just maybe the reason one is referring to oneself as one. The wording of his message could be put into question and may even be adjudged by pundits as having been rush -having gone for the jugular (or the pudendal rather) too soon. But need I remind you that I am not trying to marry the girl?  Marriage sucks! I mean, look at my friend! His wifey goes out of town for some time and he immediately comes down with a cold and a health hazard to everybody around him -that’s what he has been reduced to. So dependent 😡

A guy has got needs and I made my move to realize those needs only way I know how; and in a tight timeframe. Maybe there is a little bit of COIKS involved somewhere in there as well. The frigging concept is affecting multiple facets of my life, man. I may have given the girl the impression that I wanted us to get hitched in situ, with the bajaj handler for a priest (and we are in something blue after all) when all I wanted to convey was that I would have liked us to hang out in a supine position if she was not involved with anyone.

Ah well. What can I say? I am honing my skills. If the god/goddess of random encounters so wills it, next time I see her, here is what I am going to do:

One

an external observation, an internal one and a joke which, I fear, no one is going to get

  • Five years after Jah Yasteseryal, it dawned on our spiritual leaders -the importance of asking amnesty for the jailed Dergue officials. Who was it that said “zefagne ayTSedqim?”…
  • I am sick of people flaunting their love -f them! Long live divorces and separations! May the pool of people whom I think I have a chance with (yeah right!) keep on getting wider!!
  • What you are about to see is a play on the myth of Psyche and Charon. Inspiration has been taken from the behavior exhibited by bajaj drivers at dusk and/or when signs of rain are seen.

One

lo hice (without the inverted exclamation mark)

Well, I’ll tell you what’s on my mind. Woke up this morning fully expecting to be beset by a head-splitting headache. But that didn’t happen; not even when my feet hit the ground.

I got drunk last night -or so I believe.

Yesterday was one of those days. Another case of over-backed-up balls impinging on the over-prepared brain. Let’s just say that, by the end of that class, Maud Menten and Leonor Michaelis were rolling in their respective graves. And by the end of that class I was both relieved to be out of that classroom, the theater of my irremediable incompetence (it’s okay guys, let me go ahead and be hard on myself,) and struggling with the self-hate and anger that was threatening to bulldoze the firewall of my temporary relief.

A friend has hit town. And he has brought along chiko -bless him!

We go to this place which I am beginning to get disenchanted with. Next, we head to this new place:

A couple of beers for him, something with milk for me -that was the plan.

Not quite

I get to thinking, the human race has for millennia been using ethanol to drown its sorrow. In fact, from what I gather, alcohol not only helps people forget their problems, but it also is frequently seen solving age old problems. I mean, look at Barney: every time he’s hitting on a girl, he has got a drink in hand. So I, being a practical dude and what not, decide, what the hell?! I embark on the adventure of my second beer ever (and possibly more)

I know, I know! Hold your astonishment. Hey guys, I said knock it off!

I meet my friend’s bottle with an overstated clank (I am new to this society, for f sakes!). I ask him such questions as “What’s the policy? Is St George supposed to be facing me or…”

We are on the second bottle. I still cannot figure out how people came to like the taste of this thing. But I am determined to solve this mystery; I am going to get to the bottom of this even if it takes all night.

I start to feel a strange connection with the water of Tana: “Listen buddy; we are not so different, you and I. Check it out! I happen to be sixty something percent water. Scientists say my ancestors came out of your belly. Word!…”

Third bottle. My friend offers to take care of it for me if I so desire. I am like “How dare you!? I am on a hattrick!” If I am lucky, and if the game of football is anything to go by, they may even let me keep the bottles.

I shit you not, when I finish my third, my friend is still dilly dallying with his. Beginner’s luck? Rookie mistake?

By now I have grown extremely self-conscious. Luckily, we are sitting in the relative dark of the immediate waterfront. I believe that I have been spared the scourge of the guzzling-teacher-espied-by-his-students. I am loving all the clever things that are coming out of my mouth. But maybe I need to work on the volume.

My friend makes comments on the overzealous wingmen around us. At least two benches are occupied by two guys with a girl wedged between them. It is hard to tell which one of them was trying to give her the business.

My friend is paying the bills and I am anxiously waiting to see if my legs are going to rise to the challenge of carrying their inebriated master. And rise they do! “Way to go fellas!” I have to give it up to them for the second time in as many weeks.

The three P’s

I pee in my friend’s hotel room, I wash my face with a couple of handfuls and take a good look at myself as depicted in the mirror. I still cannot decide if I am drunk or not.

The second P. Well, one time I veer dangerously close to this group of girls. On the bajaj ride back home, I keep wondering if Adele sitting next to me is checking me out. Both of this things, I am capable of doing without alcohol in my blood. Damn!

The third P, I text my friend: “Have arrived home safe! And I am in full possession of my facult… fuck I need to pee, puke or have pussy!”

He replies: “I know what ur problem is now…I’ve the guts to do something once you get home…the easiest P to choose from by the way” (Don’t get it twisted. He is committed like a pig.)

Me: “Lucky son of a gun! You are puking, aren’t you?”

One

So I will tell you what is on my mind:

  1. who got dumped
  2. i can do without cats or dogs; especially cats.

Btw this is the  prison elementary school Aemro used to go to:

86.Bidir bemdir

It was inevitable that I would get to have a  new fixation.

And this one has a good potential to be just that.

So I am in a bajaj right …

Well if it isn’t “Mr Bajaj Chronicles” himself 😈

Man I thought you was dead 😯 I mean I paid for it and everything…

Like the song says, go on and get your refund mofo cuz I ain’t dead 👿

About a month or so ago I had the chance to seat next to this girl. I was going home and as I was to find out later, so was she. And the place we both call home, as I was to find out later, was 14.

I start pleading with my dick like “it is not what you think”. We have been through this so many times before that I did not want him to get hurt.

I count from one hundred to one and tried to think about stressful subjects.

The third guy gets off and by the time we reach ye14 metatefia the driver volunteers to take her through some part of the korokonch.

Ok it is a common practice:on a few mornings I have had bajajas coming to get me some distance out from their normal stops.

But what I have not told you is that the girl was a customer of the driver; they had been chit chattering along the way; and he did not just volunteer – he was dying to take her to her bedroom steps.

We reach the turn to her house and he asks “Bezih bekul neh?” and I say “no”. Stupid ass guy trying to tell me where I live  !

I know-real dumb of me. It would have been nice to see where she lived. I screwed up both of our chances. How he must have hated me for that?!

Ok he may have seen her house plenty of times before and after but me…

And what if you knew where she lived? Were you going to serenade her or something? Loser!

Before yesterday I think I only saw her once. I was coming back from school late afternoon …

And you were in a bajaj 😀

Silence! I kill you!

She was wearing black jeans, a cute black coat and white shoes. I was seeing her from a bit far off but I knew it was her. And I tell you the girl in question is not only looks. She is a well-behaved, mirakuan yewatech koreda. I mean, she stops and talks with her neighbors and shit!

Just because you don’t talk to them doesn’t mean that they are mute.

I suppose she was going to work yesterday because this morning I was going to school and there she was; returning home wearing the same clothes that she had on yesterday. Yesterday I thought she was going to a date-looking fine as she did-and I was ready to give up hope.

Like you had any hope in the first place.

Seeing her this morning, I was feeling sorry for her: “Ene tegnete anchi sitseri adersh aydel? Enen!”

I know what you are thinking and I can assure you that her offices are not in kebele 06.

You seem to give a lot of assurances for a guy who has not uttered a single word to her.

Yesterday and today too?!  This is more than coincidence. This is big!

Again, I was seeing her from afar but we were approaching each other (ok she is moving and I am approaching her) : “I must get nearer before she takes the turn to her home”

And just when I was about to get a clearer view of her features, I hear this voice from the back. It was my friend calling me.

No me quedo remedio mas que turning to him and be engaged in conversation while, you know, a decent chance to eyeball her went begging.

One

It beats me why you bother reading his nonsense.

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